River Of Tears
by xxTunstall Chickxx
Summary: Leah Clearwater. I am afraid to cry, because if I do, I will cry a river of tears, and drown in my own sorrow. Fear is a powerful emotion, and we are but fragile people made of glass hearts, and in some cases; shards. --xxTunstall Chickxx
1. FeAr

**--F**_e_**A**_r--_

Fear is a powerful emotion.

It makes us cowards.

It makes us fools.

It makes us do things we forever regret.

Fear is something to be feared.

Fear can change friends into enemies.

And lovers into...dead lovers.

My name is Leah Clearwater and I am afraid.

I'm afraid of getting hurt... _again_.

I'm afraid of falling to pieces..._ again_.

I'm afraid to have to pick them up by myself..._ again._

I'm afraid of that black alleyway I'm always alone in. That place where friends are sparks that flit by momentarily that light and guide me three steps before they are gone and I am in the dark..._ again_.

I'm afraid of what is to come.

I am afraid of letting people in.

I am afraid to open my eyes, because I am afraid of seeing myself.

I am afraid to close my eyes, because I know that when I will, nightmares will assault me.

I am afraid of letting go of my frustration because I know I might hurt someone.

I am afraid of feeling.

Because every time you do, you recoil from the force of the whip.

I am afraid because I have hurt, I hurt, and I will always hurt.

Because my life is made of fear that runs deeper than water.

I feel naive and small as I lie on my bed and hold myself, cradle my head in my arms.

Fear is a powerful emotion and I am but a grain of sand. A grain of sand lost to the winds of time. Forever gone, never coming back. Fear is a very powerful thing, and I am but human.

Well no, I'm not, but my heart is. And my heart is a fragile thing, made up of wicked sharp shards that I picked up when it broke the first time. Those shards are a puzzle, one with missing pieces. I will never complete it again.

Fear makes us do things we hate, it makes us cry black tears of broken hope.

Fear...it's what keeps people going when faced with a task they don't want.

Fear is a motivator.

Fear is a state you live in.

We fear for the ones we love, we fear for ourselves.

I fear many things; I fear of crying because I know that when I do cry, a river of tears will fall and I shall drown in my own sorrow.

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**Kinda dark but it hadn't started out as so...depressing. Ahh well, gotta love Leah for who she is. I was waiting to get inspiration, I haven't written anything for Leah in ages.**

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**Keep Reading,**

**xxTunstall Chickxx**

**15/12/08****  
**

**P.S. ALMOST on VACATION!**


	2. CoUrAgE

**--****C**_o_**U**_r_**A**_g_**E**_--_

Courage is a funny thing.

Something seen in people who don't deserve it, something obscured in people who do.

Abused.

Courage is that fireman that battles the smoke and falling debris to carry the crying infant from the burning building.

Courage is that lifeguard that dives into the black waves to bring the half-drowned man to shore during a deadly storm.

Courage are those grand acts of self-sacrifice to save another or others.

But courage is also that chooses life over death and pouts the knife back into the kitchen drawer.

Courage is that mother who takes in that starving baby girl.

Courage is that young man that brings the quilted blanket to that old man on the street.

Courage is found in little towns and noisy metropolitan. It is found in quiet suburbs and war-wrecked villages. It is the volunteers that work with the victims of natural disasters.

In the volunteers that work with the victims of _human_ disasters.

Courage is in that child with no hair, fighting for her life to a disease which won't go away. The single mother taking care of her children alone and that man with but months to live.

Courage is everywhere, whether we ignore it or not. Whether it is seen on TV, or heard on the radio. Whether it is read in the paper or it is witnessed first hand.

Courage is in many things; from big heroics to small.

Someone once told me that I was courageous, me, Leah Clearwater. I remember what a bout of laughter that had brought, it had taken a while to calm me down again.

How could I be courageous? I would say that I am everything far from courageous.

He said to me: "Leah, you are so strong, so brave, because you keep living."

But the truth is it's easier to chose death over life, but you need to have the guts to do it, to pull the trigger, to move the knife. Not so easy when you're there.

'Many people are mistaken as heroes because they were too scared t run away' I forget who the hell says it, but they're right.

I'm no hero, I'm not courageous, I'm a beast bound by duty, broken-hearted, lost, confused.

I find brave those who are wounded deeply by those who love but who keep going, heal, move on. I'm too scared to do that, I could never.

I've hidden myself in my room, in my mind. Too afraid to face him.

Courage is being able to love.

Courage is in being able to live life to the fullest.

Courage is in laughing.

Being able to let others help you, admitting that you can't do everything yourself.

Courage is in bravery.

Courage is in crying.

I'm not courageous, I don't cry, because I know that if I cry, I shall cry a river of tears and drown in my own sorrow.

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**So, it had started out as a one-shot, but we'll see. This popped into my head while I watched Bill-Nye in Science...  
**

**Review!**

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**Keep Reading,**

**xxTunstall Chickxx**

**17/12/08****  
**

**P.S. ALMOST on VACATION!**


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